Making The Little Girl in the Purple Dress Proud

During the Thanksgiving holiday, I was at my grandmother's house and she told me that she had a photo she wanted to show me.  She prefaced it by saying that no matter how much I was going to like said photo, I wouldn't be able to keep it.  Now God knows I love my grandmother, but she is a textbook case of only children being tight-fisted, read: selfish (as a card carrying member of the I Am An Only Child Society, I'm more than qualified to recognize the behavior).  The picture was one of me, with my beloved grandfather, when I was about 2 or 3 years old and I was in this adorable purple dress.  Come to think of it, every picture I've seen of me when I was small, I seemed to be wearing that same dress, and I was always crying or in some beginning stages of crying.  My mother assures me that my childhood was a happy one, I just wasn't crazy about taking pictures.  She also says that the frequent appearances of the purple dress was just a coincidence.  I choose to believe her.

As I'm looking at this picture of this very cute kid (with the legs of a mini Tina Turner), I can't help but wonder if I've lived up to her expectations.  Did I make her proud?  Now, I'm not talking about career achievements, but I'm talking about the things in life that truly matter: how I spent my time here on earth.  Did I always treat people the way I wanted to be treated; was I kind and compassionate to those who needed me to be; how well did I handle adversity; did I always season my conversation with grace even in those times when I wanted to use more saltier language?  In some instances, I've done okay, but more often than not I've fallen a bit short.

I once saw a saying that I wrote down and taped to my computer that read "where there is breath, there is hope," and it reminds me that every time you are given the opportunity of new life you can make some changes and correct some wrongs.  A chance to allow yesterday's hurts to become today's opportunity for forgiveness.  That's an area for me in which I can stand to grow as I don't always react so well when I feel like I've been wronged, and I'm even more of a brat when you hurt someone who is close to me.  I learned a valuable lesson about this years ago.  My best friend Rockelle was telling me about someone who worked for her (when we worked at the same job) who was being very insubordinate.  Well as her "protector," I took more offense to it than she did and proceeded to give this girl the dirtiest of looks everytime I saw her.  Then one day the girl, Rockelle and I were in the elevator and Rockelle was being really nice to her and I asked how she could be so nice to this person who did her wrong (I also told her that I literally rolled my eyes at the girl everytime I saw her, and I did this for like three months).  Rockelle fell out laughing and told me that that wasn't the girl she was talking about and I had been  channeling my anger towards the wrong person.  We laughed about it, but I just thought about how foolish I was to act so childish and all of the energy I wasted doing so.  I did eventually apologize to the girl, and she could not have been nicer, making me feel like even more of an idiot, which I deserved.  That was also the day that I decided to let Rockelle fight her own battles because she is way better at it than I am.

What I've learned in these 41 wonderful years of living (I have no problem sharing my age because I'm grateful for every year that I've been given and appreciate the wisdom that goes along with age!) is that more often than not when people hurt you it's because they are hurting inside themselves, and that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, but it's you who will get the biggest reward.  I honestly believe that you can add years to your life doing this.

So, I vow that from this day forward I'm going to live my life to the fullest and get past hurts and perceived slights quicker than I normally have in the past.  I'm going to show more patience to people even in those times when my head is throbbing from their inane conversation, and I'm going to enjoy the ride along the way.  I want that little girl in the purple dress and her grandfather who was in that picture with her (and who, before his death, imparted enough wisdom in me to last a lifetime) to know that they can always trust that even in times of uncertainty I will always do the right thing and make them proud!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

Do we really date (and eventually marry) at the level of our self-esteem?

Last week, Marie Osmond gave a very moving interview to Oprah Winfrey regarding the tragic suicide of her son.  It was very emotional and gut-wrenching and your heart just went out to her and her family as she reflected on her son's life and the details leading up to his death.  Eventually the conversation moved to the demise of Ms. Osmond's marriage and the circumstances behind it.  Oprah asked her to comment on the reports that indicated that there was abuse in the marriage, and Ms. Osmond said something that I'll never forget.  She said that "women marry at the level of their self-esteem and that it is important to know your own worth before you get married."  What a powerful and accurate statement!

It set me on a path of thinking why do we stay in relationships that aren't good for us, either mentally or emotionally?  Love is a wonderful thing when it works.  Everyone loves that feeling when you first meet someone and you get butterflies in your stomach at the mere thought of them; when you wait for the phone to ring and have marathon phone conversations about likes and similarities and wonder if this will be the person with whom you will share the rest of your life.

Oftentimes people are on the hunt to find a mate, but we need to examine whether or not we are ready for such a committment.  Let's be honest here: relationships are hard!  You have to make sacrifices and compromises and put in a lot of time and effort for something you're not even sure will work out in the long run.  At one time I was in a long-term relationship that I thought would end in marriage, and when it didn't I started to feel like a failure and, truth be told, I probably stuck around a little longer than I should have to try and right the ship (I knew it was time to throw in the towel when I seriously considered doing him significant harm when we couldn't find a happy medium regarding television programming - back in the day, a girl was serious about her "Beverly Hills 90210").  I'm happy to say that this person and I ended up being the best of friends and now have a better appreciation for each other in our new roles.  I still am optimistic that Mr. Right will come along, however, in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my singledom and work on my self (both inside and out).  I am determined to not settle for less than what I'm worth for the sake of being in a relationship!

There is a great advertising campaign by Stolichnaya Vodka titled "would you have a drink with you?"  While I am in no way endorsing drinking hard liquor of any kind, I love their marketing approach.  The commercial has a celebrity with alternate versions of themselves getting to know one another over a glass of Stoli.  The same could be true in a dating relationship: what about you is so fantastic that you are ready to mesh your life with another, and are you confident enough in who you are that you don't need another to validate your self-worth?  As fabulous as we all like to think we are, the truth is we can all stand to better ourselves in obvious and non-obvious ways to attract and keep a healthy loving relationship.

No one wants to go through life alone, but wouldn't the ride be more worth it if you are taking it with someone who complements who you are?  If you are putting in more work than your counterpart, or you are taking more than you are giving, you really need to have an honest conversation with yourself.  I read a line in an old J. California Cooper novel where one of the characters said that "lovin' ain't suppose to hurt."  I don't know if I agree with that completely because I think that pain and love can exist in the same reality, but I think that if there isn't a balance, then like anything left unbalanced, you are due for a fall.

Years ago I was watching an elderly couple walk down the street holding hands and I thought to myself  how great it is when you have someone in your life who still wants to hold your hands after all those years.  What a great and precious gift!  Here's hoping we all experience that gift one day!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

We Are Still Our Brother's (And Sister's) Keepers

In a previous post, I mentioned how proud I was during the aftermath of September 11th to watch how the people of NYC banded together to get through a horrific time.  Everyone looked out for each other and there was a feeling in the air that we all felt responsible for one another.  Unfortunately, that feeling lasted a couple of months, and then we were back to "normal."  I don't think there was any malicious intent behind this, I think people just got caught up in their own life and went back to the routines they were used to.

One of my favorite commercials on television is the one for Liberty Mutual titled "A Helping Hand is Contagious."  In this commercial, a person witnesses someone doing a kind act for someone and it affects them in a way that causes them to do something nice for someone else.  What's touching to me about this commercial is that the person who is moved to action is not the person who had the kind act performed for them, but it is the person who saw the act, unbeknownst to the person who did the good deed.  It's very powerful (click on the link above to YouTube).

The great thing to me about displaying kindness is that the acts that are the most cherished are the things that don't require a ton of effort on your part.  Did you ever notice how much it means to someone if you just call them to tell that you were thinking about them, or taking the time to visit someone in the hospital or sending someone a get-well card or hand written note?  While doing this will bring them great joy, you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how good it will make you feel as well.  One of the biggest takeaways for me when I read Rick Warren's mega bestseller THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE was that "the greatest gift you can give someone is your time, as it's the one thing you can't get back."

Even in these trying economic times when you have to really focus on the things that truly matter in life and look at your blessings as things that can't be monetarily quantified, we all have something to offer someone -  an inherent gift that could change the direction of one's day, possibly even their life.  I always admire the celebrities that give to humanitarian causes.  Seriously, George Clooney and Brad Pitt are never more sexier than when they are raising money for such worthwhile causes that include Darfur, the victims of Hurricane Katrina, or the people of Haiti.  It's easy to look at them and think that because they have money they should be doing this, but charity starts with a mindset.  If you are willing to unselfishly give of yourself to someone or something, those actions speak far louder than writing a check ever could.

So, let's love each other, respect each other, care about each other and help one another.  I promise you that your life will be enriched for the experience and it may even prove to be contagious!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

How the Food Network helped me discover a love for cooking

I use to be one of those New York career obsessed women who didn't have the time or inclination to learn how to cook.  I subscribed to the comment sentiment: "I don't make dinner, I make reservations."  Boy what a change a location and depressed economy will do for your mindset.  Having moved to Charlotte seven years ago I have been blessed to work from home, which has forced me to cook more as opposed to buy food from fast food restaurants and the like.  With a cooking repertoire that consisted of Kraft macoroni and cheese and this one chicken stew (Chicken Tropicana) that I learned how to make from my grandfather, I was not exactly in danger of being featured on the cover of Gourmet magazine.  Then one day I was channel surfing and came across this fabulous thing called the Food Network.

For those who don't know (and I'm assuming that this is the lot of you who have taken up residence under a rock in the last few years), the Food Network is a channel dedicated to teaching people how to cook.  They do this with shows with great experienced chefs and cooks who specialize in various cuisines (shout out to my secret crush - Bobby Flay!).  They do a great job of taking the intimidation out of cooking and showing
you great tips to make meals that your family and friends will love.  It is a single gir's dream!  So instead  of Kraft macaroni and cheese, I now know how to make noodles with a cheddar cheese bechemel sauce!  They have also helped me to appreciate the value of adding chicken stock to recipes to give it flavor beyond belief.  I now keep chicken stock in the house much the way people have an endless supply of salt and pepper.  There is no such thing as buying gravy anymore for this girl as I now make my own (I make a mushroom gravy that will melt in your mouth).  I also learn little cooking tips and techniques like how to smash garlic and how to take seeds out of peppers to make them less spicy.  Thanks to these folks, I now consider myself a pretty good cook, if I do say so myself!  This channel has also been a God-send in helping me to learn how to cook healthy alternatives and how to appreciate the beauty in cooking with fresh herbs, which has been vital in my never-ending quest to lose weight. 

As much as I am in love with this network, there is still one dish that I have yet to learn how to make and intimidates me beyond belief - white rice.  I can make the biggest of meals (I make an excellent turkey and cornbread stuffing) but ask me to make a simple pot of white rice and it would be like asking me to bring world peace.  I remain optimistic that my friends over at the Food Network will help me get over the hurdle, but in the meantime, if you have any good tips on cooking white rice, please send them along.

If you aren't watching the Food Network, I hope you will give it a try one day (a good lazy Saturday, would be the perfect time to do it), and I promise you that you won't be the same.  Happy Cooking!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

The funniest show you're probably not watching - "Mike & Molly"

CBS has really impressed me over the years with their ability to find just the right comedies that resonate with audiences.  Over the years they've given us "Murphy Brown," "Everybody Loves Raymond," "King of Queens," "Two and a Half Men," "The Big Bang Theory" and they've done it again with the wildly funny "Mike & Molly" (which airs on Monday nights at 9:30pm).

Set in Chicago, "Mike & Molly" follows the blossoming relationship of police officer Mike (the dryly funny Billy Gardell) and school teacher Molly (the hilarious Melissa McCarthy) who first meet at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  The two have struggled with their weight for years and have learned to laugh about it.  Their insecurities are what bond them to each other and is what endears them to the audience watching the relationship develop.  What I love about this show is that they show the couple's vulnerabilities without mocking them.  You truly feel like you are laughing with them and not at them as society tends to do with those overweight.

What is also really funny about this show is the supporting cast.  They include Mike's wisecracking partner Carl (the always funny Reno Wilson), who offers "expert" relationship advice, which is hard to take serious since he still lives at home with his mother; Molly's perenially drunk mother Joyce and over-sexed and dim-witted sister Victoria (the expertly cast Swoosie Kurtz and Katy Mixon, respectively).  Rounding out the cast is African waiter Samuel (Nyambi Nyambi) who works at the restaurant that Mike and Carl frequent (he has the best comedic one liners heard on television in a long time).

I must admit that I started watching "Mike & Molly" to show my support in the hopes that people could see persons of larger size as respectable human beings and not circus side shows.  I didn't know what to expect and how this show would deliver, and I have to say that I'm really pleased with what I have seen thus far.  I highly recommend it and hope that others will love it as much as I do.  Fingers crossed that CBS will see what a gem this show is and keep it on the air for years to come. 

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

My new guilty pleasure - The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I'll admit that I was one of those waiting with great anticipation for the premiere of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." The previews seemed to suggest that this installment of the popular franchise would be nothing like we've seen to this point, and boy were they right! 

These women take opulence to another level and appear to have more money and possessions than all of the housewives from Orange County, New York, New Jersey, Atlanta and D.C. combined!  While it was a little obnoxious to see one of the women, Lisa, treat her dog like he was the king of the canines and cater to his every need with luxuries I'm sure she wouldn't bestow upon the servant who has to pick up after him, I'm not hating on these women and how they live.  They take excess to heights us mere mortals living amongst them can only dream about.  This is what makes this show fun to watch as for 60 minutes we get to escape and fantasize about what could be. 

I was also very happy to see that Adrienne Maloof, member of the uber-successful Maloof family, was a part of the cast as I'm a big fan of her family and what they have achieved over the years.  I remember hearing a story that her father taught them the value of hard work and how to treat people with respect.  That comes across on screen as she seems very down to earth.  From seeing her in the first episode, you get the feel that she's not caught up in being rich, she just is.  That is the difference between "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and even Orange County for that matter (by the way, comparing the two would be equivalent to comparing a meteor to a molecule) to Atlanta as the West coast housewives don't come across as posers - say what you will about Vicki from the O.C., but you don't doubt that she's worked hard for her money and treats herself and her family accordingly.  Unlike many of the Atlanta women whose focus is on bags and clothes.

What's also interesting is to see how those with extreme wealth view other wealthy people.  You get the feeling that Adrienne and Lisa (who is also self-made and has built up her businesses over the years with her husband) look down on those who kind of fell into money like Camille Grammer, former wife of "Frasier" star Kelsey Grammer (probably doesn't help her case that she has 4 nannies to help her take care of her two kids).  They make little snide comments which make you know that we are in for some serious drama over the next few weeks.

The only women who I can see that I'm going to have to warm up to are sisters Kyle and Kim Richards.  Former child actresses in their own right, they are also known for being the aunts to perennial train wreck Paris Hilton (my distaste for this chick and the various racist comments she has spewed over the years makes me a little suspect about her family members).  Kyle seems to be the more likable of the two and you get the feel from watching the first episode that she doesn't suffer fools.  I look forward to seeing what these two bring to the table.

I have to tip my hat to Bravo on this one as I think they got it right with "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."  The show has all the makings of a hit and I, myself, am counting down the days to next Thursday!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

My Two Greatest Inspirations

Throughout the course of our lives there will be people that cross our paths who have a lasting and immeasurable effect.  Hopefully for everyone (as it has for me) it starts at home with examples of parents and immediate family members who exhibit strength and character in good times and bad.  I remember recently saying to my mother how much I use to enjoy when she cooked smoked pig tails, string beans and white potatoes for dinner and her response to me was, "girl, we use to eat that because we were broke!"  I was shocked to hear her say that because in my mind, it was just a good meal, I never gave any thought to the economic implications.  But that's what good parents do, they handle their business and try their best to shield their children from life's complexities.

For me, two of my greatest inspirations have been my mother and my late grandfather.  My mother was a young single mother who recognized early on that if she was going to raise me to any amount of respectability, she had to develop a stronger relationship with God, and look to Him for guidance and direction.  She made a vow to Him that if He had given her a job she desired at the Veterans Administration Hospital that she would begin going to church.  He gave it her ,and she honored her word to Him.  So after a more than 30 year career at the V.A.; becoming an ordained preacher and raising a pretty decent kid (if I do say so myself), all turned out well.  My mother is my hero for a number or reasons (which are not limited to but include her work ethic, perserverance, resolve and her no-nonsense approach to nonsensical things), the main one being that she is truly my best example of how to get it right.

Now they say that behind every great man is a great woman, but in the case of me and my mom, the reverse is true because I was beyond blessed with the most wonderful grandfather this world had ever known.  He raised my young mother, and her young daughter and taught us what real men look like and what they don't.  My love affair with my grandfather began at a very early age when, according to my mom, I would never go to sleep until he came home from work (after midnight) and then I would crawl into bed with he and my grandmother.  He would allow me to regale him with stories of how when I was older I was going to make him macaroni and cheese (why mac and cheese?  I don't know, I think I was like 5 years old at the time and it seemed like an extravagant meal).  Through the years he became my best friend, teacher, confidante, advisor and running buddy who could make me laugh like no other.  My world was momentarily shattered at 5:00am on September 5, 1999 when he succumbed to cancer (it was my greatest joy and pain to be with him, holding his hand, as he left this earth).  However, the many life lessons he taught me along the way, which included not settling for less than what I'm worth, are carrying me through all aspects of my life today.  While I miss him terribly, I count my blessings that I had him for as long as I did because what I realized is that, in our brief time together, he imparted more wisdom in me than most people learn in a lifetime.

Losing my grandfather also helped me to appreciate and be demonstrative in showing love to those who are important to me, especially my mom.  Maybe I'll make her a pot of smoked pig tails, string beans and white potatoes and reminiscence about the good old days!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

Postseason baseball is here, and it's making me sad

For baseball fans, October is the greatest month in sports.  It means that playoff baseball is here and the best of the best take their game up to another level to be the last team standing.  With my beloved Yankees in the mix and on a quest to repeat asWorld Series champions, I should feel like I'm on top of the world, but ironically I feel somewhat sad.  You see while I'm excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, the reality is that with each passing day in October, it means one less day to the baseball season and I'm going to miss that terribly.  I unashamedly love baseball and no other sport commands my loyalty much the way it does.  I've always said that one of my favorite sentences in the English language is "pitchers and catchers are reporting for spring training" because I know that when I hear that line (in February) it means that baseball is just around the corner and I am locked in!

To be a true baseball fan takes a level of committment unlike any other in sports.  A baseball season is 162 games long and runs from April to October/November (if your team is fortunate enough to make the playoffs) and each game is roughly a three to four hour affair (a good Yankees/Red Sox game is usually a 4 hour contest at minimum).  If you're like me you live and die with each pitch, and with the Yankees playing in the toughest division in baseball, the A.L. East, the games in the beginning of the season are just as important as the ones towards the end.

So why do I find myself so sad?  I think it's because I'm realizing that with each passing day in October it will mark one less day to the baseball season, and I don't want it to be over!  I enjoy this sport so much and I've always felt that it is the smartest of all the major sports.  The psychology involved - manager vs. manager; pitcher vs. hitter; hitter vs. himself, etc. it's a cross between a great prize fight and theater!

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to savor the time I have left and root my Bronx Bombers on to championship #28.

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

Can you give and receive constructive criticism?

It was about four years ago that I came to the realization that I no longer looked as cute as I once did in shorts.  I use to always think (and pretty much still do) that one of my greatest features are my legs and to hear my grandmother tell it, even as a toddler, my legs were shapely.  So when did the revelation occur you ask?  I was walking in Wal-Mart thinking I was as cute as ever and noticed people looking at me in a way that intimated that they didn't share my opinion.  I then had to have an honest conversation with myself (and a long look in the mirror) to see if shorts were still a viable option and sadly I had to realize that they weren't and not just because I have more girth than I use to, but let's be honest, once you leave your twenties certain things are just not a good look anymore.  It then got me to thinking could I have handled it if someone other than my conscience told me to retire the shorts?  Then, probably not.  Now, I think I would have appreciated the honesty.

I pride myself on being honest and direct, and only offering opinions when asked, but I'm wondering if I'm doing a disservice to my family and friends by not letting them know when I think they are making a misstep.  Something as simple as a poor choice in wardrobe or more significant as a wrong choice that can impact their life greatly is a slippery slope when dealing with loved ones.  I have an 11 year old nephew whom I adore and one of the reasons I do so is that he is very kind and considerate, but also very honest.  He does it in a way that allows you to receive his criticism without being too offended (if I would have ran the whole shorts thing by him, I'm sure I would have stopped wearing them sooner than I did).  I could a learn a thing or two from him.

It's important to surround yourself with people who will love and support you and think enough of you to call you out when you're wrong or won't allow you to make a fool of yourself.  Thankfully, that's the case with me, and so that I don't have to incur their wrath in the future, I vow that everytime I meet up with them I'll make sure that I'm wearing anything but shorts - do you see how cute they are making crops, capri's and pedal pushers these days??!!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

It's time to call "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" what it is - Complete Foolishness!

I'll admit that I'm guilty of liking drama just as much as the next person, so I got caught up in the foolishness that is "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."  When the show first aired I was optimistic that we would get some portrayals of classy and sophisticated African-American women on television (in hindsight I have to wonder what I possibly could be thinking!).  From the start you got the feeling that these women were "posers" and weren't really worth the money they wanted us all to believe they had.  After the first season aired, various internet stories began to come out pretty much confirming that these women were not as fabulous as they led us to believe. 

What was more disturbing is that the show seem to celebrate and encourage the fact that one of the women was carrying on an affair with a married man, and that her lifestyle was funded by this relationship - a fact openly known by her two young impressionable daughters.  Between Kim's on and off again "relationship" issues and her unexplainable co-dependent toxic friendship with NeNe, this woman would make any psychiatrist rich beyond measure.  As it relates to NeNe, there literally are no words to describe this woman who is quick to label various people "ghetto," and anyone who watches just one episode of this show will quickly see that this is the proverbial "pot calling the kettle black".  To say she is embarrasing would be an understatement!

So yesterday we got a new season of the show because this ridiculous show is such a ratings juggernaut that Bravo wants to reward us with more of this foolishness.  So what did we learn from the new season: NeNe has taken ghetto to epic proportions; Kim, now apparently bisexual, is "shocked" that her 13 year old daughter (who apparently wasn't taught not to talk while chewing as she continued to have a full on conversation while eating a meal, which was very hard to watch) is interested in aggressively pursuing a boy at school (that apple didn't have far to fall off that tree); Sheree is now acting and "can see herself winning an Oscar"; new cast mate Phaedra never misses the opportunity to let the audience know how much money and possessions she has; and Dwight, is still Dwight.

The thing I find most funny about these "Housewives" is that they go out of their way to brag about what they have, something people with real money would never do.  Announcing that you have a Birkin bag really isn't that impressive especially since we all know that there are places that now lend out designer bags for the posers of the world (wonder if Sheree has an account at "Bag, Borrow and Steal").  I've boycotted the D.C. franchise of this show because of the White House Crashers, and I think I have to give up Atlanta as well, if for no other reason than to try and restore the brain cells I've lost over the years watching this mess.

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

Why I love New York (and Brooklyn, in particular)

I've always thought that the best line iu a song EVER was when Frank Sinatra sang in his classic hit "New York, New York" "if I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere".  As a born and bred New Yorker (shout out to Brooklyn!), I subscribe to that belief wholeheartedly.  You see, New York has prepared me to handle and face life's various challenges and the curveballs that come along the way.  While the city (Manhattan) helped to refine me, the grittiness of Brooklyn developed me.  It is where I learned how to survive and the value of innovation and appreciating what you have (where else could you learn how to tap into the electricity from a street light to play music for the neighborhood, which we affectionately referred to as "jams").  I also learned how to embrace, understand and co-exist with people from various backgrounds and cultures, which has served me well in my professional life.  What I think I love most about New York, outside of the city's energy, is that everyone is plain spoken and direct and we don't suffer fools (you never have to wonder what a New Yorker is thinking because, more often than not, they will let you know).  We are some of the most honest people you will ever meet!

What is also unmatched in New York, is the overwhelming sense of community.  As sad a day (and the ensuing ones that followed) as September 11, 2001 was, through all of the heartbreak you saw the best of what the city had to offer - the love and compassion of its residents.  There was a sense that we needed to take care of each other and that this wasn't just an attack on our country, but on our beloved city (I still find it hard to believe that the twin towers of the World Trade Center, which so defined one of the most recognizable skylines in the world, are no longer standing).  I wish that everyone who thinks that New Yorkers are rude could have seen how everyone rose to the occassion during this difficult time.  I had never been more proud to be a New Yorker!

While I no longer live in the city, it will always be my home (I tell people all the time "I live in Charlotte, but I'm from New York").  You see there is a certain pride that you have and you poke your chest out just a litle bit when people ask you were you're from because in our minds what we are saying is, "hit me with your best shot because the New Yorker in me has seen it all, done it all, and has survived it all, so bring it on!"

So, that's Taraztake for today, what are your thoughts?

What type of women are men really looking for?

A few years back I was having dinner with a group of ladies and the conversation turned to (as it always does when single women are talking) about what type of women do men prefer?  Is it women with strong personalities?  Ones that are more meek in nature?  What??!!  I get that men are more visual in nature, but I want to give them credit in thinking that they can see past cosmetics to get to the heart of what a person is really about.  What is it that keeps them interested?

Two of us, Alpha females in our own right, began incessantly questioning one of our table mates about her recent blossoming relationship, and secretly wondering why her and not us.  We interrogated her in a way that if Dick Wolf were at the next table listening, he would have instantly offered us roles as detectives on one of his "Law & Order" shows.

Still not having any clear direction after the meal, and thinking that maybe if I toned down my outgoing and gregarious personality, I'd be married in 2.5 years, I went on about my life.  Even after talking to various men, reading books and taking single Sunday School classes, I still have no clue as to what men want!  But before I began making reservations to attend my own pity party, it occurred to me that I have a great number of women friends from various ages, racial backgrounds, shapes and sizes who I think are amazing women and they are all still single!  So I'm left to wonder: if I think we are all incredible and have a lot to offer, why can't men see this as well?  Something can't be wrong with all of us, can it?  But, we're not freaking out because we know that when he comes, he comes and in the meantime we will love, support and encourage each other to continue to be the fabulous women that we are!

So, that's Taraztake for today, what are your thoughts?

The Value of Having Good Sister-Friends in Your Life

Growing up as an only child I never longed to have sisters because what I saw from the women around me who had sisters was a lot of drama.  Someone wore someone's clothes; someone likes someone else's boyfriend; "mom likes you better", blah, blah, blah.  Me?  I had my mother's love all to myself, I got pretty much anything I wanted (which I found out later in life is not always the best thing); and I was spoiled beyond rotten by my grandparents. 

I also never saw the need in having sisters because as an only child, you tend to get adopted by friends with large families.  Growing up in the projects in Brooklyn, NY in the 80's and early 90's wasn't a scary time, as most might think, it was really more of a sense of community.  Everyone looked out for everyone else.  You could stay out to play as long as there was a responsible adult outside or until the street lights came on, whichever came first.  People sort of took a special interest in me because I was a latch-key kid as my mother worked very long hours to make a better life for us.  So I had a host of big sisters, brothers and surrogate mothers making sure that I was taken care of when my mom was working.  While I don't think I took those relationships for granted, I don't think I appreciated the way they helped to form my life.

However, as I grew older, I begin to learn the value of having true "sisters" in your life, women who love you unconditionally, flaws and all.  One of the friendships I value the most is the one I have with my best friend Rockelle.  We've been friends for over 20 years (ever since I gave her an extra minute when I was administering her typing test, which goes to show you how long ago that was because who takes typing tests anymore??!!).  Rockelle is the Louise to my Thelma.  Where my personality is outgoing and gregarious, she tends to be more quiet and reserved; where I tend to say what comes to my mind, she will be more thoughtful and careful in her responses to people.  While I'm an open book, most times, she is very guarded (I often tell her that she is a mystery wrapped inside of an enigma).  Somehow, you wouldn't think these personalites would mesh, but they do.  I think it works because we allow each other to be who we are meant to be, also because she stays clear of me during Yankee games and I return the favor when the Jets are on, and when she hasn't eaten (she is rough when she is hungry!).

So, okay I have Rockelle and that's all I need, right?  Wrong!  I use to say that I have all of the friends I need in my life and then along came these amazing group of women who have become the sisters that God intended for me to have.  They are Tonya, Gail, Tracy and Yvette.  They each add to my life in ways that challenge me to be a better person.  From Tonya's caring heart and endless amount of support to Gail's warmth and loyalty; from Tracy's wise and no-nonsense counsel to Yvette's encouraging and beautiful spirit, I can't imagine a life without them in it, and I thank God that He allowed our paths to cross.  What they also teach me is that you shouldn't be so quick to cut yourself off from people.  To allow people to love you and be there for you in good times and bad. 

I'm thankful that Rockelle, Tonya, Gail, Tracy and Yvette are my bedrocks of strength and I love them all beyond measure.  Men are nice and all, but they come and go.  Sister-friends are forever!

So, that's Taraztake for today, what are your thoughts?

Where have all the qualified local radio D.J.'s gone?

A few months back I was listening to a popular radio station here in Charlotte and the host (whose return to the airwaves was given an incredible amount of fanfare that I still don't understand) began to report that he was hearing that R&B singer Bobby Brown had died.  Now he didn't say that the reports were confirmed, or he didn't even quote a news source, he was just talking about what he read on the internet and asked listeners to call in to the show and let him know what they had heard.  I was incensed!  I thought this was, at the very least, lazy and irresponsible, and I was embarrasd for this guy and the station who employs him.  Maybe I was wrong for thinking that anyone entrusted with such a large listening audience would care enough to have his facts straight before "reporting" this over the airwaves.

With the popularity of nationally syndicated radio shows that include Tom Joyner, Steve Harvey and the like, I'm noticing that you are hard pressed to find a good old fashioned local radio disc jockey, and it seems that the ones that are left are really just playing songs by request and coming up with inane contests so that people can win tickets to the latest show in town.  The other pet peeve I have here is that these d.j.'s tend to talk on endlessly about gossip and other foolishness.  Is this what they think we want? 

Maybe I'm the problem because I was spoiled having grown up in the era listening to New York legendary d.j., the late Frankie Crocker whose tag line was "if Frankie Crocker isn't on your radio, then your radio really isn't on".  Frankie Crocker was silky smooth and he had a way about him that captivated an audience, an audience whose intelligence he respected.  Every night at 8:00pm exactly (I've literally set my watch to this) he would sign off by playing the classic "Moody's Mood for Love", one of the greatest love songs of all time, which was probably his way of saying how much he loved the city that appreciated and loved him back.

While I respect the roles that nationally syndicated shows and their hosts play, and the good they do in communities across the country which include voter registration drives; health and wellness initiatives; and imploring people to action, I'd just like to see more local d.j.'s be proactive and responsible in honing their craft and respecting their listening audiences.  Don't leave it to the big boys to speak to and for your community, use your platform to invoke and enact change.  You have our attention so cherish and respect that.

So, that's Taraztake for today.  What are your thoughts?

Exercising for the thinly challenged

Okay, so I've rededicated myself to working out in an effort to let my inner Beyonce body come out.  Now before you get all proud of me and say "yay Tara" or "you go, girl", I think you should know that I've been here before.  There were the 6:00am workouts; the marathon like elliptical sessions; the scary hip-hop class, that felt more like an audtion for a music video (it's also when I painfully discovered that all African-American women are not necessarily blessed with rhythm); and the five day a week strength training exercises, all of which have fallen by the wayside at one time or another.  And then came Zumba!!!

My love affair with this latin dance exercise class was developed after I had done some research to make sure that there weren't a ton of routines that required you leaving your feet (did I mention the scary hip hop class?).  When I figured that this wasn't just an exercise for skinny girls, I tried it.  In my opinion, the best thing about a good Zumba class is that the instructors give you the routine, but allow you to do it in a way that feels comfortable to you.   Therefore, those of us who may have a little more cushion than others, don't have to feel intimidated that we aren't doing it "right".  This could be the reason why each week I notice more and more of my fellow thinly challenged sisters and brothers taking the class.  What's also really cool about Zumba is that in addition to it being pure fun, you develop relationships with the people who tend to take the same classes with you each time.  My particular class is encouraging and supportive (including this wonderful woman in her 80's who never misses a session!), and when I miss a class I feel guilty, and miss them terribly.  Isn't that what a good exercise class should be about?

Now, I have a long way to go, and a lot of Zumba classes to take, before my inner Beyonce body makes her appearance, but I made a vow to myself that I will enjoy the journey.  And hey, if I ever want to speed up the process, there is always the elliptical machine!

So, that's TarazTake for today.  What are your thoughts?

What have you done for someone lately?

Recently I had the privilege to go to an event where educators and students were honored for their work in the community.  One young man, a college freshman, volunteered his time teaching Latino kids how to speak English and he mentioned that he is always looking for opportunities to help other people.  While I was inspired by his work, I must admit I was a little bit mad at myself becuase I'm more than twice his age, and I felt like I haven't done half as much.  The argument could be made that because we have a vast age difference, we have different priorities and responsibilities in life, but I think that's just an excuse.  We find time to do the things we want to do, so why can't we find that same time to bring joy to someone?

Whether it's visiting a friend in the hospital, buying a token gift, or just saying a kind word to someone, I have always been rewarded with a great feeling when I've put someone's needs ahead of my own.  But, if I'm being honest with myself, I do those things when it's convenient for me to do so, so is it really still considered a good deed?  I'm thinking not. 

After the recent passing of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, a lot of the stories written were ones where he did something nice for someone that no one knew about but him and that other person (a story that comes to mind is that he picked up a huge hospital tab for a woman he barely knew with the condition that she could never speak about it.  She broke that promise after he died and I'm glad she did).  He also said something that really resonated with me: "if you do something for someone and more than you and the person you did it for know about it, then you did it for the wrong reasons".  Another quote I really like can be found in the mega bestselling book THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE which says "that the greatest gift you can give someone is your time because its the one gift you can't get back".

So I'm going to heed this call and make more of a concerted effort to give my time and contribute to society in a way that uplifts and empowers my fellow brothers and sisters.  Won't you join me?

So, that's TarazTake for today.  What are your thoughts?

The J-E-T-S are a MESS, MESS, MESS!

Okay, I'm really going to step in the lion's den today as two people who are very close to me are die-hard Jets fans.  However, I'm going to have to risk it because the New York Jets are really starting to annoy me!

Being a born and bred New Yorker (shout out to Brooklyn!), I'm a die-hard Yankees fan (something that anyone who has ever had a conversation with me finds out in less than five minutes); I was a Giants fan (the conventional wisdom says that Yankee fans are usually Giants fans and Mets fans are usually Jets fans); I say special prayers for the Knicks, Nets and Mets; and I root for the Jets sort of the way you wish your little brother well in life.  However, I'm starting to think that the Jets are developing an inflated sense of ego. 
They had a great playoff run last year, coming one game shy of going to the Super Bowl, and they became the darlings of the N.F.L.  So when HBO's behind the scenes show "Hard Knocks" came calling, of course the Jets signed up. 

I really enjoyed "Hard Knocks" in the past so I was excited to see the Jets version and thought it was pretty good.  It was disturbing to hear how much gratuitous profanity that was bandied about on the show, and  I tried to brush it off and think that maybe that's how men in locker rooms talk  It then occurred to me that the main people using this salty language were the coaches themselves (someone please hand the loveable Rex Ryan a thesaurus so that he can learn to express himself differently).  I was also reminded how Christian coach Tony Dungy led a team to  champtionship glory maintaining grace and dignity throughout the process.  Therefore, I refuse to believe that men need to relate to each other in a profane way in order to be successful.

Something that I think a lot of reality television stars are coming to discover is that if you live by the camera, you must die by it also..  So with a bullseye now squarely on their back, and playing in the toughest media market in all of sports, everything the Jets do is going to be magnified.  So you would think that this would cause them to be on their best behavior.  NOT!

First up: demeaning a female reporter with catcalls and insulting remarks.    It was disturbing, to say the least, to hear how the players carried themselves around this woman, apparently led by the outspoken Kris Jenkins, who is one of the "leaders" of the team (maybe now that an injury has forced him out for the season, it will give him some time to reflect on ways that he can contribute more to the team than his mouth).  As an aside, and I don't want to get into blaming the victim here, but it wouldn't be a bad idea for this reporter to have a sit down with the Pam Olivers and Suzy Kolbers of the world to give her a lesson on how to dress in front of a football team, and how wearing skin tight jeans may not be the look you want to go for if you want to be taken seriously.  But, I digress.

Next on tap: the drunk driving arrest of Braylon Edwards.  I want to go on record as saying that I think that people who drive drunk are stupid.  Period, the end!  To knowingly get in a car while intoxicated is not only foolish, but you put unsuspecting others at risk.  Apparently Edwards was in the car with three other people (was he the less drunk of the four of them which is why he drove?) and no one thought that him driving was a bad idea??!!  What's worse is that the Jets have a program in place that allows you to call for a ride in cases such as these and he didn't make the call.  This guy's career has been resurrected more than Jesus Christ himself and he still doesn't appreciate the gift he's been given.  Incredible!

What's funny to me is that the reports in the New York papers yesterday had Rex Ryan telling his team that "enough was enough."  Maybe if he had spent more time in training camp talking to them about character issues then finding new ways to use the "F" word, he wouldn't sound so exasperated now.

Now as I said earlier, I root for the Jets because us New Yorkers (although they do play in New Jersey) must stick together, but just like that little brother, I want to slap them upside the head and tell them to GET IT TOGETHER!!!

So that's TarazTake for today.  What are your thoughts?

Will this season mark the return of quality television writing?

In yesterday's post, I gave mini-reviews of some of the shows I had a chance to watch (other reviews will be forthcoming).  It was refreshing to finally get a look at some quality scripted dramas ("The Event", "Chase", etc.) and a really funny comedy ("Mike & Molly" - review to come) as opposed to all of the "reality" offerings that have seemed to overtake television programming.  Now don't get me wrong, I watch my fair share of reality shows as a guilty pleasure, but I long for the days of "The West Wing" (the episode "The Two Cathedrals" still remains in my mind the best hour of television writing I've ever seen in my life!), "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" (okay, so I'm an Aaron Sorkin devotee, what of it?) and others.  Do you remember where you were when you found out who actually did shoot J.R. Ewing?  Those are the television moments I miss.

What's starting to become troubling about these "reality" shows, is not only the sheer volume of them and the fact that they will make a "reality" show out of just about anything, but it is the way in which the producers seem to stage certain aspects in an effort to manipulate emotions from viewers.  While you couldn't make up the feud that was Jill vs. Bethenney on "The Real Housewives of New York" Danielle vs. everybody on "The Real Housewives of New Jersey", and the foolishness that can be found in the Atlanta offering, Bravo seems to delight in making sure that each season of their cash cow is more outrageous than the one before.

So I welcome this new television season with great anticipation, and so far I like what I'm seeing.  You can have your "Hair Battle Spectacular" "Jerseylicious" and "The Bad Girls Club", but me, I'll take Shonda Rimes, Tina Fey and the like over "reality" any day of the week.  Long live scripted television!

So that's TarazTake for today.  What are your thoughts?

The new Fall shows

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm super psyched asbout the new Fall season.  I can't wait for my faves like "Modern Family", "The Good Wife", "Grey's Anatomy" and "Brothers & Sisters" to return and I'm equally pumped about all of the new offerings.  So I put my trusty DVR to work this week to catch some of the new talked about shows and here is TarazTake on them.

"The Event" (seriously, how do they get that second "e" to go backwards??!!  It's just too weird) - 9:00pm Mondays on NBC

In a word: FABULOUS!!!  I was concerned that this show was going to be one of those that wouldn't live up to the hype, and boy am I happy that I was wrong.  As an avid watcher of "24", this show almost feels like a spin-off.  It is edge-of-your-seat suspense and it leaves you counting down the days until next Monday.  This is a show that grabs your attention and keeps it.  I am sooooo all in.  As Renee Zellwegger told Tom Cruise in "Jerry Maguire", "you had me at hello!"  If there is any negative here for me is that they have Blair Underwood playing a Cuban President who has no discernible Latin accent.  President Martinez has some "splanian to do!"  To close this on an upbeat note, it is so cool that they have so many veteran actors in the cast and I was especially happy to see Lisa Vidal as the first lady (I've been a fan of hers since her days on "New York Undercover").

"Chase" - Mondays at 10:00pm on NBC

I'm not familair with Kelli Giddish and her work, butr watching this show I kept asking myself: where has this girl been all of my life?!  She is perfectly cast as Annie Frost, the tough-as-nails U.S. Marshall who packs a mean punch.  The show is aptly titled as they are constantly on the hunt for serious bad guys and trying to anticipate their next move.  What's unique to me about this show is that the focus isn't so much on the victims but on the ones who victimized them, as Annie so bluntly put it: "the police care about where he's been, we care about where he is going".  The show has a very diverse and attractive cast, and with the genius that is Jerry Bruckheimer behind it, it is my pick for the sleeper of the season. 

"Detroit 1-8-7" - Tuesdays at 10:00pm on ABC

Okay, so I have to admit that I got caught up in the whole advertising line on this one "for those who loved NYPD Blue...", and since that was one of my favorite cop shows of all time, I had to give this a shot (plus, I wanted to show the city of Detroit some much needed love).  My thumb is kind of half way up on this one.  While I didn't hate it, it didn't knock my socks off either.  It's nice to see Michael Imperiolli be someone other than Christopher Moltisanti; to see veteran actor James McDaniel back on television (seriously, does he ever age?), and to see Aisha Hinds come from playing a recovering crackhead on "HawthoRNe" to playing a Lieutenant in charge (only on television, folks), but I'm going to have to give this a couple more episodes before I make a decision to keep watching this one.  I will say that there was an unexpected ending to the first episode that gave you hope that the season could be promising.

"Outlaw" - Fridays at 10:00pm on NBC

I have this crazy allegiance to Jimmy Smits that will make me watch him in everything he does.  I am so sad to say that I think this is going to be another short-lived effort (does anyone remember "Cane?").  Jimmy plays Cyrus Garza, a judge who decides to leave the Supreme Court to take on cases where there is perceived injustice.  He is doing this in part because he lives constantly with the memory of how he disappointed his beloved father, a respected lawyer, who died in a car crash where Cyrus was a passenger.  While this show offers the opportunity to have Cyrus try all types of cases in various cities, it doesn't set itself apart enough in any real discernible way that will make you think it has staying power.  This truly makes me sad.  However, my love and respect for Jimmy Smits and his work will keep me watching until the bitter end.

So that's TarazTake for today.  What are your thoughts?

Just Saying

Tara-z Take is a blog dedicated to the musings, clever observations and downright funny and honest opinions on all things pop culture, sports and daily happenings of the world.  Some of the things you can expect to read here are my take on movies and television shows (both scripted and "reality" - or whatever that means nowadays), my thoughts on rich people behaving badly, and last, but certainly not least because I'm an unapologetic, die-hard transplanted New York Yankees fan, there are sure to be regular thoughts on the most celebrated team in sports.