Do we really date (and eventually marry) at the level of our self-esteem?

Last week, Marie Osmond gave a very moving interview to Oprah Winfrey regarding the tragic suicide of her son.  It was very emotional and gut-wrenching and your heart just went out to her and her family as she reflected on her son's life and the details leading up to his death.  Eventually the conversation moved to the demise of Ms. Osmond's marriage and the circumstances behind it.  Oprah asked her to comment on the reports that indicated that there was abuse in the marriage, and Ms. Osmond said something that I'll never forget.  She said that "women marry at the level of their self-esteem and that it is important to know your own worth before you get married."  What a powerful and accurate statement!

It set me on a path of thinking why do we stay in relationships that aren't good for us, either mentally or emotionally?  Love is a wonderful thing when it works.  Everyone loves that feeling when you first meet someone and you get butterflies in your stomach at the mere thought of them; when you wait for the phone to ring and have marathon phone conversations about likes and similarities and wonder if this will be the person with whom you will share the rest of your life.

Oftentimes people are on the hunt to find a mate, but we need to examine whether or not we are ready for such a committment.  Let's be honest here: relationships are hard!  You have to make sacrifices and compromises and put in a lot of time and effort for something you're not even sure will work out in the long run.  At one time I was in a long-term relationship that I thought would end in marriage, and when it didn't I started to feel like a failure and, truth be told, I probably stuck around a little longer than I should have to try and right the ship (I knew it was time to throw in the towel when I seriously considered doing him significant harm when we couldn't find a happy medium regarding television programming - back in the day, a girl was serious about her "Beverly Hills 90210").  I'm happy to say that this person and I ended up being the best of friends and now have a better appreciation for each other in our new roles.  I still am optimistic that Mr. Right will come along, however, in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my singledom and work on my self (both inside and out).  I am determined to not settle for less than what I'm worth for the sake of being in a relationship!

There is a great advertising campaign by Stolichnaya Vodka titled "would you have a drink with you?"  While I am in no way endorsing drinking hard liquor of any kind, I love their marketing approach.  The commercial has a celebrity with alternate versions of themselves getting to know one another over a glass of Stoli.  The same could be true in a dating relationship: what about you is so fantastic that you are ready to mesh your life with another, and are you confident enough in who you are that you don't need another to validate your self-worth?  As fabulous as we all like to think we are, the truth is we can all stand to better ourselves in obvious and non-obvious ways to attract and keep a healthy loving relationship.

No one wants to go through life alone, but wouldn't the ride be more worth it if you are taking it with someone who complements who you are?  If you are putting in more work than your counterpart, or you are taking more than you are giving, you really need to have an honest conversation with yourself.  I read a line in an old J. California Cooper novel where one of the characters said that "lovin' ain't suppose to hurt."  I don't know if I agree with that completely because I think that pain and love can exist in the same reality, but I think that if there isn't a balance, then like anything left unbalanced, you are due for a fall.

Years ago I was watching an elderly couple walk down the street holding hands and I thought to myself  how great it is when you have someone in your life who still wants to hold your hands after all those years.  What a great and precious gift!  Here's hoping we all experience that gift one day!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

We Are Still Our Brother's (And Sister's) Keepers

In a previous post, I mentioned how proud I was during the aftermath of September 11th to watch how the people of NYC banded together to get through a horrific time.  Everyone looked out for each other and there was a feeling in the air that we all felt responsible for one another.  Unfortunately, that feeling lasted a couple of months, and then we were back to "normal."  I don't think there was any malicious intent behind this, I think people just got caught up in their own life and went back to the routines they were used to.

One of my favorite commercials on television is the one for Liberty Mutual titled "A Helping Hand is Contagious."  In this commercial, a person witnesses someone doing a kind act for someone and it affects them in a way that causes them to do something nice for someone else.  What's touching to me about this commercial is that the person who is moved to action is not the person who had the kind act performed for them, but it is the person who saw the act, unbeknownst to the person who did the good deed.  It's very powerful (click on the link above to YouTube).

The great thing to me about displaying kindness is that the acts that are the most cherished are the things that don't require a ton of effort on your part.  Did you ever notice how much it means to someone if you just call them to tell that you were thinking about them, or taking the time to visit someone in the hospital or sending someone a get-well card or hand written note?  While doing this will bring them great joy, you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how good it will make you feel as well.  One of the biggest takeaways for me when I read Rick Warren's mega bestseller THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE was that "the greatest gift you can give someone is your time, as it's the one thing you can't get back."

Even in these trying economic times when you have to really focus on the things that truly matter in life and look at your blessings as things that can't be monetarily quantified, we all have something to offer someone -  an inherent gift that could change the direction of one's day, possibly even their life.  I always admire the celebrities that give to humanitarian causes.  Seriously, George Clooney and Brad Pitt are never more sexier than when they are raising money for such worthwhile causes that include Darfur, the victims of Hurricane Katrina, or the people of Haiti.  It's easy to look at them and think that because they have money they should be doing this, but charity starts with a mindset.  If you are willing to unselfishly give of yourself to someone or something, those actions speak far louder than writing a check ever could.

So, let's love each other, respect each other, care about each other and help one another.  I promise you that your life will be enriched for the experience and it may even prove to be contagious!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?