Reconnecting With The People Who Knew Me When...

Recently I've been given the great gift of reconnecting with some friends I had known from my childhood, most of whom I've known for over 30 years (thanks Facebook!).  I was pleasantly surprised to see that just about everyone is alive and doing well and raising families of their own.  It was surreal to chat with a couple of them by phone and go down memory lane and reminisce about the good old days and remember funny and sad incidents as if they had just happened yesterday.  One of my favorite memories is when me and my closest friend sat in the hallway in the projects of Van Dyke and begin to break down crying because we felt that no one was properly taking care of Stevie Wonder (How could he see how his hair looked every day?  How did he know whether or not people were stealing from him, etc.).  Once we were reassured (by another girl who was convinced that we had completely lost our minds) that Stevie was probably okay, our attention then turned to whether or not the Son of Sam would come and kill us.  Honestly, you can't make this stuff up. 

We grew up in Brownsville, Brooklyn and we enjoyed our childhood to the fullest.  It was a time when everyone looked out for one another and it was before the age of Wii, XBox DVR's, Red Box, and everything else that causes us to isolate ourselves from the outside world today.  It forced us to be innovative and creative (I mean really, who didn't have a custom made skelly top?).  And where else could your have a day's worth of fun by simply turning on a fire hydrant during the daytime, and playing music from a large speaker at night?  You made friends and connected with people who you would know for a lifetime.  In "Death of Autotune," Jay-Z," (from the brilliant Blueprint 3 album) says "I don't be in the project hallway talking about how I be in the projects all day."  I so get that as I can vividly remember spending a whole day in the project hallway and loving every minute of it.  Brownsville, and Van Dyke in particular, never felt scary to me, it just felt like home, and I was surrounded by people who felt more like family members than friends.  The opportunity to reconnect with these folks brings life full circle for me, it feels like they were pieces to a missing puzzle that have now been solved.

A few of us are in the process of trying to arrange a reunion that we hope will be an annual event, I can't wait.  So, here is a special shoutout to my Brownsville family.  Here's hoping that we get to share another 30 years worth of memories.

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

Making The Little Girl in the Purple Dress Proud

During the Thanksgiving holiday, I was at my grandmother's house and she told me that she had a photo she wanted to show me.  She prefaced it by saying that no matter how much I was going to like said photo, I wouldn't be able to keep it.  Now God knows I love my grandmother, but she is a textbook case of only children being tight-fisted, read: selfish (as a card carrying member of the I Am An Only Child Society, I'm more than qualified to recognize the behavior).  The picture was one of me, with my beloved grandfather, when I was about 2 or 3 years old and I was in this adorable purple dress.  Come to think of it, every picture I've seen of me when I was small, I seemed to be wearing that same dress, and I was always crying or in some beginning stages of crying.  My mother assures me that my childhood was a happy one, I just wasn't crazy about taking pictures.  She also says that the frequent appearances of the purple dress was just a coincidence.  I choose to believe her.

As I'm looking at this picture of this very cute kid (with the legs of a mini Tina Turner), I can't help but wonder if I've lived up to her expectations.  Did I make her proud?  Now, I'm not talking about career achievements, but I'm talking about the things in life that truly matter: how I spent my time here on earth.  Did I always treat people the way I wanted to be treated; was I kind and compassionate to those who needed me to be; how well did I handle adversity; did I always season my conversation with grace even in those times when I wanted to use more saltier language?  In some instances, I've done okay, but more often than not I've fallen a bit short.

I once saw a saying that I wrote down and taped to my computer that read "where there is breath, there is hope," and it reminds me that every time you are given the opportunity of new life you can make some changes and correct some wrongs.  A chance to allow yesterday's hurts to become today's opportunity for forgiveness.  That's an area for me in which I can stand to grow as I don't always react so well when I feel like I've been wronged, and I'm even more of a brat when you hurt someone who is close to me.  I learned a valuable lesson about this years ago.  My best friend Rockelle was telling me about someone who worked for her (when we worked at the same job) who was being very insubordinate.  Well as her "protector," I took more offense to it than she did and proceeded to give this girl the dirtiest of looks everytime I saw her.  Then one day the girl, Rockelle and I were in the elevator and Rockelle was being really nice to her and I asked how she could be so nice to this person who did her wrong (I also told her that I literally rolled my eyes at the girl everytime I saw her, and I did this for like three months).  Rockelle fell out laughing and told me that that wasn't the girl she was talking about and I had been  channeling my anger towards the wrong person.  We laughed about it, but I just thought about how foolish I was to act so childish and all of the energy I wasted doing so.  I did eventually apologize to the girl, and she could not have been nicer, making me feel like even more of an idiot, which I deserved.  That was also the day that I decided to let Rockelle fight her own battles because she is way better at it than I am.

What I've learned in these 41 wonderful years of living (I have no problem sharing my age because I'm grateful for every year that I've been given and appreciate the wisdom that goes along with age!) is that more often than not when people hurt you it's because they are hurting inside themselves, and that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, but it's you who will get the biggest reward.  I honestly believe that you can add years to your life doing this.

So, I vow that from this day forward I'm going to live my life to the fullest and get past hurts and perceived slights quicker than I normally have in the past.  I'm going to show more patience to people even in those times when my head is throbbing from their inane conversation, and I'm going to enjoy the ride along the way.  I want that little girl in the purple dress and her grandfather who was in that picture with her (and who, before his death, imparted enough wisdom in me to last a lifetime) to know that they can always trust that even in times of uncertainty I will always do the right thing and make them proud!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

Do we really date (and eventually marry) at the level of our self-esteem?

Last week, Marie Osmond gave a very moving interview to Oprah Winfrey regarding the tragic suicide of her son.  It was very emotional and gut-wrenching and your heart just went out to her and her family as she reflected on her son's life and the details leading up to his death.  Eventually the conversation moved to the demise of Ms. Osmond's marriage and the circumstances behind it.  Oprah asked her to comment on the reports that indicated that there was abuse in the marriage, and Ms. Osmond said something that I'll never forget.  She said that "women marry at the level of their self-esteem and that it is important to know your own worth before you get married."  What a powerful and accurate statement!

It set me on a path of thinking why do we stay in relationships that aren't good for us, either mentally or emotionally?  Love is a wonderful thing when it works.  Everyone loves that feeling when you first meet someone and you get butterflies in your stomach at the mere thought of them; when you wait for the phone to ring and have marathon phone conversations about likes and similarities and wonder if this will be the person with whom you will share the rest of your life.

Oftentimes people are on the hunt to find a mate, but we need to examine whether or not we are ready for such a committment.  Let's be honest here: relationships are hard!  You have to make sacrifices and compromises and put in a lot of time and effort for something you're not even sure will work out in the long run.  At one time I was in a long-term relationship that I thought would end in marriage, and when it didn't I started to feel like a failure and, truth be told, I probably stuck around a little longer than I should have to try and right the ship (I knew it was time to throw in the towel when I seriously considered doing him significant harm when we couldn't find a happy medium regarding television programming - back in the day, a girl was serious about her "Beverly Hills 90210").  I'm happy to say that this person and I ended up being the best of friends and now have a better appreciation for each other in our new roles.  I still am optimistic that Mr. Right will come along, however, in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my singledom and work on my self (both inside and out).  I am determined to not settle for less than what I'm worth for the sake of being in a relationship!

There is a great advertising campaign by Stolichnaya Vodka titled "would you have a drink with you?"  While I am in no way endorsing drinking hard liquor of any kind, I love their marketing approach.  The commercial has a celebrity with alternate versions of themselves getting to know one another over a glass of Stoli.  The same could be true in a dating relationship: what about you is so fantastic that you are ready to mesh your life with another, and are you confident enough in who you are that you don't need another to validate your self-worth?  As fabulous as we all like to think we are, the truth is we can all stand to better ourselves in obvious and non-obvious ways to attract and keep a healthy loving relationship.

No one wants to go through life alone, but wouldn't the ride be more worth it if you are taking it with someone who complements who you are?  If you are putting in more work than your counterpart, or you are taking more than you are giving, you really need to have an honest conversation with yourself.  I read a line in an old J. California Cooper novel where one of the characters said that "lovin' ain't suppose to hurt."  I don't know if I agree with that completely because I think that pain and love can exist in the same reality, but I think that if there isn't a balance, then like anything left unbalanced, you are due for a fall.

Years ago I was watching an elderly couple walk down the street holding hands and I thought to myself  how great it is when you have someone in your life who still wants to hold your hands after all those years.  What a great and precious gift!  Here's hoping we all experience that gift one day!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

We Are Still Our Brother's (And Sister's) Keepers

In a previous post, I mentioned how proud I was during the aftermath of September 11th to watch how the people of NYC banded together to get through a horrific time.  Everyone looked out for each other and there was a feeling in the air that we all felt responsible for one another.  Unfortunately, that feeling lasted a couple of months, and then we were back to "normal."  I don't think there was any malicious intent behind this, I think people just got caught up in their own life and went back to the routines they were used to.

One of my favorite commercials on television is the one for Liberty Mutual titled "A Helping Hand is Contagious."  In this commercial, a person witnesses someone doing a kind act for someone and it affects them in a way that causes them to do something nice for someone else.  What's touching to me about this commercial is that the person who is moved to action is not the person who had the kind act performed for them, but it is the person who saw the act, unbeknownst to the person who did the good deed.  It's very powerful (click on the link above to YouTube).

The great thing to me about displaying kindness is that the acts that are the most cherished are the things that don't require a ton of effort on your part.  Did you ever notice how much it means to someone if you just call them to tell that you were thinking about them, or taking the time to visit someone in the hospital or sending someone a get-well card or hand written note?  While doing this will bring them great joy, you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how good it will make you feel as well.  One of the biggest takeaways for me when I read Rick Warren's mega bestseller THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE was that "the greatest gift you can give someone is your time, as it's the one thing you can't get back."

Even in these trying economic times when you have to really focus on the things that truly matter in life and look at your blessings as things that can't be monetarily quantified, we all have something to offer someone -  an inherent gift that could change the direction of one's day, possibly even their life.  I always admire the celebrities that give to humanitarian causes.  Seriously, George Clooney and Brad Pitt are never more sexier than when they are raising money for such worthwhile causes that include Darfur, the victims of Hurricane Katrina, or the people of Haiti.  It's easy to look at them and think that because they have money they should be doing this, but charity starts with a mindset.  If you are willing to unselfishly give of yourself to someone or something, those actions speak far louder than writing a check ever could.

So, let's love each other, respect each other, care about each other and help one another.  I promise you that your life will be enriched for the experience and it may even prove to be contagious!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

How the Food Network helped me discover a love for cooking

I use to be one of those New York career obsessed women who didn't have the time or inclination to learn how to cook.  I subscribed to the comment sentiment: "I don't make dinner, I make reservations."  Boy what a change a location and depressed economy will do for your mindset.  Having moved to Charlotte seven years ago I have been blessed to work from home, which has forced me to cook more as opposed to buy food from fast food restaurants and the like.  With a cooking repertoire that consisted of Kraft macoroni and cheese and this one chicken stew (Chicken Tropicana) that I learned how to make from my grandfather, I was not exactly in danger of being featured on the cover of Gourmet magazine.  Then one day I was channel surfing and came across this fabulous thing called the Food Network.

For those who don't know (and I'm assuming that this is the lot of you who have taken up residence under a rock in the last few years), the Food Network is a channel dedicated to teaching people how to cook.  They do this with shows with great experienced chefs and cooks who specialize in various cuisines (shout out to my secret crush - Bobby Flay!).  They do a great job of taking the intimidation out of cooking and showing
you great tips to make meals that your family and friends will love.  It is a single gir's dream!  So instead  of Kraft macaroni and cheese, I now know how to make noodles with a cheddar cheese bechemel sauce!  They have also helped me to appreciate the value of adding chicken stock to recipes to give it flavor beyond belief.  I now keep chicken stock in the house much the way people have an endless supply of salt and pepper.  There is no such thing as buying gravy anymore for this girl as I now make my own (I make a mushroom gravy that will melt in your mouth).  I also learn little cooking tips and techniques like how to smash garlic and how to take seeds out of peppers to make them less spicy.  Thanks to these folks, I now consider myself a pretty good cook, if I do say so myself!  This channel has also been a God-send in helping me to learn how to cook healthy alternatives and how to appreciate the beauty in cooking with fresh herbs, which has been vital in my never-ending quest to lose weight. 

As much as I am in love with this network, there is still one dish that I have yet to learn how to make and intimidates me beyond belief - white rice.  I can make the biggest of meals (I make an excellent turkey and cornbread stuffing) but ask me to make a simple pot of white rice and it would be like asking me to bring world peace.  I remain optimistic that my friends over at the Food Network will help me get over the hurdle, but in the meantime, if you have any good tips on cooking white rice, please send them along.

If you aren't watching the Food Network, I hope you will give it a try one day (a good lazy Saturday, would be the perfect time to do it), and I promise you that you won't be the same.  Happy Cooking!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

The funniest show you're probably not watching - "Mike & Molly"

CBS has really impressed me over the years with their ability to find just the right comedies that resonate with audiences.  Over the years they've given us "Murphy Brown," "Everybody Loves Raymond," "King of Queens," "Two and a Half Men," "The Big Bang Theory" and they've done it again with the wildly funny "Mike & Molly" (which airs on Monday nights at 9:30pm).

Set in Chicago, "Mike & Molly" follows the blossoming relationship of police officer Mike (the dryly funny Billy Gardell) and school teacher Molly (the hilarious Melissa McCarthy) who first meet at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  The two have struggled with their weight for years and have learned to laugh about it.  Their insecurities are what bond them to each other and is what endears them to the audience watching the relationship develop.  What I love about this show is that they show the couple's vulnerabilities without mocking them.  You truly feel like you are laughing with them and not at them as society tends to do with those overweight.

What is also really funny about this show is the supporting cast.  They include Mike's wisecracking partner Carl (the always funny Reno Wilson), who offers "expert" relationship advice, which is hard to take serious since he still lives at home with his mother; Molly's perenially drunk mother Joyce and over-sexed and dim-witted sister Victoria (the expertly cast Swoosie Kurtz and Katy Mixon, respectively).  Rounding out the cast is African waiter Samuel (Nyambi Nyambi) who works at the restaurant that Mike and Carl frequent (he has the best comedic one liners heard on television in a long time).

I must admit that I started watching "Mike & Molly" to show my support in the hopes that people could see persons of larger size as respectable human beings and not circus side shows.  I didn't know what to expect and how this show would deliver, and I have to say that I'm really pleased with what I have seen thus far.  I highly recommend it and hope that others will love it as much as I do.  Fingers crossed that CBS will see what a gem this show is and keep it on the air for years to come. 

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?

My new guilty pleasure - The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I'll admit that I was one of those waiting with great anticipation for the premiere of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." The previews seemed to suggest that this installment of the popular franchise would be nothing like we've seen to this point, and boy were they right! 

These women take opulence to another level and appear to have more money and possessions than all of the housewives from Orange County, New York, New Jersey, Atlanta and D.C. combined!  While it was a little obnoxious to see one of the women, Lisa, treat her dog like he was the king of the canines and cater to his every need with luxuries I'm sure she wouldn't bestow upon the servant who has to pick up after him, I'm not hating on these women and how they live.  They take excess to heights us mere mortals living amongst them can only dream about.  This is what makes this show fun to watch as for 60 minutes we get to escape and fantasize about what could be. 

I was also very happy to see that Adrienne Maloof, member of the uber-successful Maloof family, was a part of the cast as I'm a big fan of her family and what they have achieved over the years.  I remember hearing a story that her father taught them the value of hard work and how to treat people with respect.  That comes across on screen as she seems very down to earth.  From seeing her in the first episode, you get the feel that she's not caught up in being rich, she just is.  That is the difference between "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and even Orange County for that matter (by the way, comparing the two would be equivalent to comparing a meteor to a molecule) to Atlanta as the West coast housewives don't come across as posers - say what you will about Vicki from the O.C., but you don't doubt that she's worked hard for her money and treats herself and her family accordingly.  Unlike many of the Atlanta women whose focus is on bags and clothes.

What's also interesting is to see how those with extreme wealth view other wealthy people.  You get the feeling that Adrienne and Lisa (who is also self-made and has built up her businesses over the years with her husband) look down on those who kind of fell into money like Camille Grammer, former wife of "Frasier" star Kelsey Grammer (probably doesn't help her case that she has 4 nannies to help her take care of her two kids).  They make little snide comments which make you know that we are in for some serious drama over the next few weeks.

The only women who I can see that I'm going to have to warm up to are sisters Kyle and Kim Richards.  Former child actresses in their own right, they are also known for being the aunts to perennial train wreck Paris Hilton (my distaste for this chick and the various racist comments she has spewed over the years makes me a little suspect about her family members).  Kyle seems to be the more likable of the two and you get the feel from watching the first episode that she doesn't suffer fools.  I look forward to seeing what these two bring to the table.

I have to tip my hat to Bravo on this one as I think they got it right with "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."  The show has all the makings of a hit and I, myself, am counting down the days to next Thursday!

So, that's TarazTake for today, what are your thoughts?